Were Not In Berkley Anymore ....

si its like what the fuck now...im back to nothing .. starting all over again in such a fucked up world that i never wanted to  be a part of ...Im really lost as to what I even want to do ..maybe I want to do nothing but not here. I cant just sit here and wait to die anylonger .. maybe go back to school. who knows .. I didnt like my job apparently it just wasnt happening for me . I need something else. my mindset is fucked. just fucked. completelly and uterlly fucked ... all the re wiring is going to take some time now from everything I felt and believed before . I ask myself why sometimes why even sit here and write this. maybe because its all i have left now , my thoughts . my feeling and emotions are all I have. when you feel so alone I guess thats some type of security. Im real but I dont feel real inside ..I try to hurt myself to feel something ..I cant explain the blank emptyness though . even though I know it was pain it didnt feel right. I find myself so out of touch with your world now. de tached , disaciocated . lost. I want to wake up from this nightmare love and feel reality again. Once I felt so alive.
 ... "sometimes I dream that I'm alive, under the stars under the sky and I awake paralyized to another day that I cannot face. and im trying im trying to find a way out of the darkness of this tunnel at the end of the light and im dreaming forever of the day to another time where life wont be this way.

whenever the time comes if im blessed and fortunate to be granted it I hope you never stop praying for me . I think ill need it along the way and maybe thats the reason why im still here now